I'm looking everywhere today for it to find me. To seek me out. To guide me.
I've looked to the early morning moon and to the sun's rise. I've looked up to the sky and down to the earth that I walk on. I've looked to the pale green buds on the trees and the yellow flowers that are blossoming. I've looked to the birds...hoping that they might speak so loud that I might hear.
I've looked to the books on my shelves and to the songs that are singing on the radio. I've looked to my computer...my inbox...and the words of wisdom it so often offers and shares. I've looked to my crayons and markers and paints. I've looked to my camera and its magical lens.
Nothing and nowhere. It's not to be found.
To a steady count of four - I inhale. And to an equally steady count - I slowly exhale. I release into this discomfort...this fear...this 'nothing' that envelopes me.
I inspire..and I breathe in. I fill my lungs with fresh clean air. I expire...and let go of all that no longer serves me. My mind quiets....the tension in my neck and shoulders eases. I settle myself down and into a familiar and oh-so-comfortable seat. My legs cross beneath me.
I stop looking. I stop seeking. I stop searching. I stop thinking that I can't begin until inspiration strikes. I can. I will. I do. Right here. Right now.
In the silence...I find myself curious. I want to know - what is it about this great thing we call 'inspiration'? How might I define and describe it? I can't smell or taste it. I can't see or hear it. I definitely can't touch it. So then - what is it about it that I'm so desperately looking for?
Again - I feel myself breathing. My fingers are dancing across the keyboard. I'm writing. I'm creating. It seems that I've found what it is I've been so frantically seeking...or that - perhaps - it has at long last found me.
But how? I wonder. And when?...and where?
It is then that it occurs to me. That moment of surrender...that 'ahaa' of discovery and truth.
To inspire...to inhale...to breathe in. The dots begin to connect themselves. What was murky and muddy is suddenly becoming oh-so-very clear.
All that I've wanted and needed and for which I've spent so much time and energy searching....has come to me from somewhere within. The quieter I become...the more I can hear. The more I can hear...the more I can see. And somewhere in the middle of all of that seeing and hearing...it happens. My vision. My voice. It's all right there.
So simple. Really. This 'muse' that I've so cleverly named 'inspiration'? Show up. Effort less. Try easy. Breathe. Connect. It's about what's always been...and always will. Inside me.
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Written and posted long before today's tragic events unfolded. Tears and prayers for everyone here in Boston - my fair city. How is this possible???