The edge shifts.
What we think we see – that far away horizon line..that distant shore..that ultimate destination – is nothing other than an illusion. Unattainable – really. Every time we think we have arrived..feeling that ground solid beneath us.…it changes. Life changes. We have no choice but to change and grow right along with it.
My first encounter came to me on my yoga mat. A wise teacher encouraging her student’s to seek out their ‘edge’….to be in it..to hold it..to feel it….to accept that on this day – there is nowhere else to be.
Embrace it. This moment. This precarious balance that exists somewhere between comfort and discomfort. It doesn’t define. It doesn’t confine. It quite simply is.
The discomfort turns into comfort. The edge that was… is no longer. A new edge awaits.
I bumped up against it when I picked up my camera. For so many years – too busy with life’s ‘do-ing’ – it sat as nothing other than another ornament on my shelf. Accumulating time. Collecting dust. Until one day I thought – it’s time to explore what I once loved. To pick it up and return and begin again. To start capturing the world thru its lens. A new ‘edge’ to explore..to feel..to conquer.
With every image that I captured and created..I became more comfortable with this new form of self-expression. It got easier. The edge that was…is no longer. A new one awaits.
There was that first exhibition..that first photo I posted on my very first blog…the first comment I received. Each and every time – there I was – up against my edge. That edge. Uncertain. Scared. Uncomfortable. Never quite sure if this was feeling right..or if this was feeling totally and completely wrong. Terrified that I might fall and fail and flail about. As if the world might end..if I did.
Back to my mat and my practice..and where it all began. Without falling there’s no change..no growth. There’s no picking oneself up and putting oneself back together again. We all fall.
Here I am – again – at another new edge…expanding and stretching and growing. A new challenge. It’s energizing and exciting. It’s fun. It’s terrifying. Around every corner – fear is lurking. What do I have to say? What might I offer? How will I fill the blank page – day after day?
And yet – I’m doing it. One week later. I’m feeling that edge…that space that hovers between pleasure and pain…excitement and terror. Words are spilling out..painting the blank canvas in technicolor. My words. My voice. My life.