It's as if I can't quite remember where I once was...
What was I doing? What was I thinking? What plans was I making before I was not?
I like to think of myself as grounded...as rooted...as solid. I didn't expect that things could so easily come undone...that I could feel so lost...so uprooted.
The earth has shifted. The structural under-pinnings from which all else was built has crumbled. Altho we lived in different towns and states...and altho we didn't see or even talk to one another daily - I always knew where I stood with my mother. Some-times apart. Most-times together. But always - knowing.
It's like looking up at the sky and not seeing the clouds. It's like looking down at the green grass and not seeing the flowers growing. It's like standing out in the rain and not knowing why it is that I'm getting all wet.
I'm searching for clues...for a hint...a premonition. I'm holding onto anything that might provide answers. In this moment - nothing is making any sense. Was there sense in the moments that came before this?
And out there - somewhere - in the vastness of the cloud-filled sky there is a patch of blue.
A hint. A clue. A promise.