As I inhale...my lungs fill. On the following exhale...I let it all go.
My body relaxes...releases.
My mind slows. I feel deeply.
There is nothing but endless space...distant hope...a vast expanse of possibilty.
My heart still aches. The snow warms my soul.
Somewhere over that hill and distant horizon - there's laughter...there's light....there will be - someday - new life.
I want to believe in every thing happening for a good reason.
I want to believe in the rhythm and rhyme of the ongoing seasons.
I want promises.
I want answers.
I want to know.
I began here in the early spring. I remain here - still - in this early winter.
It's all so bitterly sweet...and sweetly bitter.
Once and again - life has surprised me.
My home that was...is my home that is. It's beautiful...and it's sad.
It means everything...and it means nothing at all.
And - I continue to seek out the answers to my never-ending questions.
How did this all happen...and why?
Perhaps - in time - those answers will come.
But for now - I'm practicing simple and gracious acceptance.
It is what it is.
Man plans....god laughs.
We live. We love. We let go.
And the only answer to my perseverating question is 'I don't know.'
* * *
I'll be enjoying these last few weeks of this very long year connecting with family...being fully present for the gifts of this moment. If there's one lesson I've learned - it's that this moment is all we have.
That - I do know - for sure.